Bedtime Do's and Don'ts
The Big Settle Down: Age-Based
Tips for Sleeping Through the
Night
Bedtime
Do's and Don'ts
Sleep can be an emotional issue
for the whole family. Children are
often reluctant to separate from
Mom and Dad at the end of the day.
They're revved up, and they want
to continue the fun. They may also
have some fears about being alone
in the dark or away from loved
ones.
Meanwhile, sleep-deprived
parents may be longing for a
chance for some shut-eye
themselves, or even just some
quiet time with each other. On the
other hand, parents who have spent
a long day at work may crave more
time with their children than
bedtime allows. Often it's a mix
of several feelings, making it a
complicated time. Bedtime is hard
for parents, too.
Here's what you can do to
develop bedtime rituals that make
sense.
DO:
Consider a ritual carefully.
Not every bedtime routine will
stand the test of time. Once
something becomes established in
your child's mind, she'll come to
expect it — and do you really
want to sing the entire soundtrack
to "The Lion King" night
after night? Choose your rituals
carefully, or you may regret them.
Some good, time-tested rituals
to consider:
- A warm bath, then some
snuggle time in clean jammies.
- Reading a favorite book or
listening to soothing music.
- A favorite song, sung by
Mom, Dad, or the whole family.
- Being tucked in tight with a
special dolly, stuffed animal,
or blanket.
- A gentle back rub.
DO:
Be consistent.
Have a fairly firm bedtime and a
predictable order of events.
Toddlers will benefit from a
reminder about half an hour ahead
of time, then another about 10
minutes before bedtime. Springing
bedtime on them suddenly will only
make them more reluctant to give
up their current activity. Make
sure the ritual takes place in
their own room or sleeping areas,
too.
DO:
Keep activity low-key.
Don't overstimulate your child
right before bed. For a baby,
clear out the mounds of stuffed
animals from the crib and offer
her just one favorite to settle
down with. Removing toys will
signal that it's time to quiet
down. For an older child, no
roughhousing or watching TV before
bed.
DON'T:
Let the ritual become too
elaborate.
With a 10-month-old, your routine
may last just a few minutes,
whereas 15 to 30 minutes is the
right length of time for a toddler
or preschooler. More than 30
minutes is almost always too long.
DON'T:
Leave the lights on.
It's important for a child to
learn to distinguish day from
night — and that nighttime is
for sleeping. If she does wake up
and it's dark, she'll know that
it's not time to get up yet.
Leaving a bright light on is
confusing.
DON'T:
Put your baby to bed with a
bottle.
First, it's true that sucking
helps soothe a baby to sleep, but
swallowing milk or juice
throughout the night bathes the
teeth in decay-causing sugars.
Second, drinking while lying down
can lead to fluid buildup in the
ears. And third, if your child is
accustomed to falling asleep with
a bottle in her mouth, she'll have
trouble settling down when she
awakens during the night and finds
no bottle or an empty one.
DO:
Be flexible.
If your child is sick or going
through a stressful time, it's
perfectly okay to bend the bedtime
rules a little. But don't
dismantle the routine entirely.
For instance, you might want to
read one extra story, but not let
her sack out in front of the TV.
DON'T:
Rush into solid foods to help your
baby sleep.
Some parents are convinced that
babies wake up so often because
they're not satisfied with a
liquid diet. But breast milk or
formula is the ideal food for a
baby's first six months. Solids
don't really promote sleeping at
night, so don't introduce them
before your baby is six months old
unless your health care provider
recommends it.
DO:
Give bedtime your full attention.
Bedtime should be a special time
for you and your child. Don't
shortchange her by being
preoccupied with something else.
Focus on her alone as you snuggle,
bathe, or read to her each night,
and you'll both be the happier for
it.
DON'T:
Take away a bedtime ritual as
punishment.
Keep it sacred.
The
Big Settle Down: Age-Based Tips
for Sleeping Through the Night
All of us, from newborns to
adults, move between light sleep
and deep sleep during the night.
Anyone who boasts that her child
sleeps straight through really
means that when the child comes up
into light sleep, he can get
himself back down without crying
or calling for a parent. How can
you help your child reach that
same milestone? Scroll down to
your child's age to find out.
0
to 3 months
A newborn's daily habits aren't
fully established yet, so in the
first weeks it's fine to let her
doze off while you're nursing or
rocking her. But by 8 to 10 weeks,
she can begin learning to fall
asleep on her own. Letting her
fall asleep while feeding can
establish a link between the two,
making her more likely to cry for
more when she wakes up later. If
she starts to look sleepy during a
feeding, ease her into her crib.
Stay nearby as she nods off, but
don't hold her or rock her to
sleep. Babies this age need to
feed around the clock, so don't
expect an undisturbed night.
When your baby wakes up at
night, it's your job to teach her
that it's not playtime but feeding
time. Don't turn on the lights or
carry on a conversation. Just feed
her, change her if she's wet, and
set her back in her bed. The less
interesting you make nighttime
awakenings, the sooner she'll
catch on.
4
to 6 months
By 4 months, a baby can sleep six
to 12 hours straight through.
Don't rush to pick her up as soon
as she groans or whimpers, and
chances are she'll fall back
asleep by herself. If she does
wake up and wants a feeding,
stiall a bit to be sure she really
needs it. If she's been fed and
changed and is still crying for
you, go in and let her know you're
there, but resist picking her up.
Pat her and speak softly. Let her
discover her own style of settling
herself back down into sleep.
7
to 12 months
Even if your baby "slept
through" before, she'll
likely start making a fuss at
night again due to her newfound
thinking skills: She can now
really miss you when she doesn't
see you. A brief reassurance when
she awakens will help her through
this stage.
Babies' sleep patterns are
often disrupted while they're
mastering a new skill. For
example, if your baby is learning
to pull herself up to a standing
position, expect her to practice
this in her crib at night, too.
If you've gone back to work and
find your milk supply decreasing,
a nighttime feeding can help you
maintain a good level of milk
supply. It's easiest to keep your
baby in your room if this is the
case, but make sure your spouse is
amenable to this arrangement.
1
year to 18 months
If your child is still waking up
during the night, this strategy
may help: Wake your toddler before
she wakes you. Before you go to
bed at, say, 11 p.m., wake her up
to comfort and even feed her. Say
to her, "Now you can manage
for yourself when you wake up
later." Then be sure you let
her. Comfort her, but don't take
her out of her crib. You may find
that she doesn't wake later on.
For some reason, rousing a child
first often breaks the cycle of
waking in the middle of the night.
Be aware that if you've had
your child sleeping with you all
these months, it will be
increasingly difficult to coax her
back into her own bed. Babies this
age are starting to have opinions
of their own, as well as a growing
inclination to voice them.
2
years
This is the age when many children
graduate from a crib to a bed, if
they haven't already moved.
Toddlers normally go through
periods of nighttime insecurity
and may make periodic trips to
their parents' bedroom. You might
put a mattress or sleeping bag
near your bed and tell your child
that she's welcome to come in and
use her special bed, but not to
wake you. Or you can lead her back
to her own room. If you regularly
give in to her pleas to sleep in
your bed, she'll come to expect it
every night. You have a choice,
but you should be consistent so
she learns the rules.
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